I am still being haunted by dreams of chocolate chip cookies. The other night in my dream MomE had purchased 3 chocolate chip cookie cakes for multiple celebrations! I did remember that I was on a restricted diet and could not eat them (so not a typical anxiety dream per se), but their presence haunted me :)
I am planning on making a batch of cookies for my "free" eating date (March 24th) so I am currently trying to calculate (with the help of my dietitian, LR) the exact calorie content of a few recipes.
I have had 2 types of cookies on my diet: an All-Bran cookie, and a flax-seed cookie. Both were good (I liked the flax-seed better) so I will also have to consider whether or not I will make a healthy recipe and add chocolate chips or just go all-out and make real cookies...
Calorie comparisons will be posted soon- be prepared for a blog vote!
But back to the cookie cakes for a moment: this dream brought up memories of being a teenager and hanging out at the mall. My best friend, AH, and I would get double doozies (calories) regularly. Remembering those cookies reminded me of all the junk food I ate as a kid (and as an adult!) and started a stream of negative thoughts about CR. Luckily, my next meal was close by and easy to prepare-- it is much easier to convince yourself that you can eat healthy (and do not "really" want a double doozie- the last one I ate must have been in 1995) and stick to your goals when there is good tasting food at hand (*must remember this).
I have explained the feeling of going off the study-prepared foods as what I imagine what it must be like to get out of prison. Now- I am being dramatic. I do not really think it is anything like that in reality, but maybe just a tiny bit. Here is my perception; I have turned off any and all food cues that surround me because I can not eat anything that is not given to me. So no matter how good some food looks, smells, is, I can not have it. Fine. Done. Black and White, yes or no.
But what happens when I can have *some* of that great food and it is up to me to balance it out later?
Will I be able to eat one cookie?