Monday, March 10, 2008

Cookie Party

I am still being haunted by dreams of chocolate chip cookies. The other night in my dream MomE had purchased 3 chocolate chip cookie cakes for multiple celebrations! I did remember that I was on a restricted diet and could not eat them (so not a typical anxiety dream per se), but their presence haunted me :)

I am planning on making a batch of cookies for my "free" eating date (March 24th) so I am currently trying to calculate (with the help of my dietitian, LR) the exact calorie content of a few recipes.

I have had 2 types of cookies on my diet: an All-Bran cookie, and a flax-seed cookie. Both were good (I liked the flax-seed better) so I will also have to consider whether or not I will make a healthy recipe and add chocolate chips or just go all-out and make real cookies...
Calorie comparisons will be posted soon- be prepared for a blog vote!

But back to the cookie cakes for a moment: this dream brought up memories of being a teenager and hanging out at the mall. My best friend, AH, and I would get double doozies (calories) regularly. Remembering those cookies reminded me of all the junk food I ate as a kid (and as an adult!) and started a stream of negative thoughts about CR. Luckily, my next meal was close by and easy to prepare-- it is much easier to convince yourself that you can eat healthy (and do not "really" want a double doozie- the last one I ate must have been in 1995) and stick to your goals when there is good tasting food at hand (*must remember this).

I have explained the feeling of going off the study-prepared foods as what I imagine what it must be like to get out of prison. Now- I am being dramatic. I do not really think it is anything like that in reality, but maybe just a tiny bit. Here is my perception; I have turned off any and all food cues that surround me because I can not eat anything that is not given to me. So no matter how good some food looks, smells, is, I can not have it. Fine. Done. Black and White, yes or no.
But what happens when I can have *some* of that great food and it is up to me to balance it out later?
Will I be able to eat one cookie?


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
rachel said...

You can do it! But you might only want to have one cookie available, or give away the rest to TE (is that what you call him?) or me :) in case you need to find the willpower.

Free eating day. I'd be dreaming about that one, too. :)

I THINK you might the only one reading my blog now - thankfully - wonder why I really wanted to wax about cleaning products?

Cheers - rach

momB said...

I am reading your blog regularly and reading it aloud to Dad too.

You can do it! You go, girl!